As the saying goes- “if it is meant to be, it will be.” Although on the other hand, there’s another saying- “if you really want it, go get it.”
When you’re destined to something, it will happen. Eventually, right? You can go down many paths in life, go through various obstacles and experiences but you’ll always get set-back to where you’re supposed to be. Everyone has certain things in life that they are bound to achieve and obtain. We all have certain people that are meant to come into our lives, whether they end up staying or leaving. There is a reason behind everything. For whatever reasons these may be, it’s because it’s meant to happen in your life. It’s part of the plan.
But just because things will automatically fall into place, and will eventually happen if it’s meant to be, does that mean we just wait? Do we just wait around and do nothing? Shouldn’t we work towards things we want? Put effort into the people we want to stay in our lives? How will these things that are “meant to be” happen if we don’t act on them?
The outcome of our future depends on how we live our lives today. Getting a good education won’t just fall into place if we don’t study hard. Success in your career and job won’t just happen if you don’t work hard. Having healthy relationships with loved ones in your life won’t be established nor will they stay strong unless you fight for them every single day.
So, are things really meant to be? Or do things in our lives happen because we CHOOSE to act towards them?
When you really want or maybe reached the point where you need something, do you wait? or do you act?
In psychology class, we learned about Sigmund Freud’s theory on humans and the many defence mechanisms which underlie our subconscious. These defence mechanisms act as a wall or filter to help ease against feelings that don’t want to be felt. Feelings like anxiety, sadness and loneliness. Humans typically strive to avoid feeling these ways at all costs and without even knowing it, their defence mechanisms come into play.
One of the most common defence mechanisms we learned was DENIAL. We humans, deny without even knowing it sometimes. We’ve been doing this ever since we were kids. We deny, because we refuse to accept reality or refuse to face painful thoughts and feelings.
We deny others when they ask if you’re okay and we respond with “yeah, of course”, when in actuality deep down we know we aren’t. We deny ourselves. We deny feeling hurt by telling ourselves that what we’re going through is “whatever” or “no big deal.” We try denying the fact that everything is falling apart by distracting ourselves or by distancing ourselves.
We sometimes even deny love. You love someone deep down, but you deny it because you know it’s best if you don’t. You lie to yourself. You convince yourself that you’ll just get over it. But why? Love isn’t a painful feeling, so why do we deny love? We’re afraid. Afraid of falling in love? Afraid of being stuck in love? Afraid of rejection? Afraid of becoming attached? Maybe even afraid of having to deal with the responsibilities and consequences that come with loving a person.
What people don’t realize as they unconsciously deny, is that denial just hurts themselves even more. Denial makes it harder. It tears us down day by day. We store and hide these feelings for it to painfully break us down when our last button is pushed, or when we can’t bottle anymore emotions and thoughts inside. We burst. Instead of embracing these feelings and learning to grow and overcome it – we deny.
Have you ever been so attached to a person? Whether it be a best friend, a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Whomever it was, you were attached. You did everything together. You told each other everything. You relied on them, as they did on you. You trusted them with your thoughts, feelings, secrets- with your heart. You grew a relationship, a close bond. Whenever something exciting happened or whenever something was bothering you, they’d be the first person you call. The first person you think of. They were a source of happiness. They were your shoulder to cry on. Your “go-to.” Your person. They were everything to you. Worth every bit of time and effort to hold on to. You viewed them so highly, with so much potential. You admired them. You loved them.
But then everything changed. You had no control.
What you thought was worth holding onto or what you thought you had a grasp on – slowly slipping away. Day by day, you feel them fading from you. Distancing from you. They leave with no explanation. You have no control. You try to put the pieces together, figure out what went wrong, but you’re still puzzled. It just happened. You start wondering if maybe you just weren’t enough for them. Maybe they wanted more, expected more. Maybe they found someone else.. someone better? You start beating yourself up. You cry for weeks. You don’t eat for days. You barely sleep. You overthink. You hate everything about yourself. You end up losing yourself in the process of losing them.
What can you do? You have no control.