17 Things I’ve Grown to Learn

image.jpeg Here are 10 things I’ve grown to learn and realize over the years, as well as things I’m striving to continue working on. (17 was too much!)

1 – Accept It: You’re Still Young!
I’ve always been told that I’m way too mature for my age. I rush things, pick up all these responsibilities and make all these plans for my future. For some reason, I try growing up too fast. Although, I’ve accepted that I’m still young and I have so many things ahead of me. So many things that’ll show up in my life unexpectedly, many things still out there for me to experience and learn. Don’t always be set with what you have and what you know being a teenager. You have your whole life ahead of you. Live for the moment now and enjoy being young while you still can!

2 – Always Pray                                                                                                                                                            I used to take for granted the power of prayer. Although as I get older, the importance of prayer just keeps growing on me. Pray always – during both happy moments and sad moments. When you feel like no one is there, God is always there. He has the answers you need, the set-backs, the reminders, the reassurance. He’s always listening. Have faith when you pray – He won’t fail you. He will give you everything you need and more.

3  – Learn from Your Mistakes                                                                                                           Yes, it is normal to make mistakes. We’re human. We make mistakes and use it as a platform to grow from. That’s how we learn and come to realizations; you need to eventually screw up and find ways to not screw up the second time around. So, don’t get stuck and hate yourself for making mistakes. Don’t be discouraged. It’s part of your growing process!

4 – Appreciate Those who Appreciate You Growing up, you’ll meet a bunch of people and go through various “friend groups.” You’ll realize who your real friends are, who genuinely cares for you and who’s worth keeping by your side. It’s a give and take. You put effort, make sacrifices, and appreciate people who reciprocate all of that back to you. Don’t stick around people who treat you like crap and take advantage of you.  Instead, surround yourself with people who want the best for you and bring out the best in you. They’re the ones who’ll get you where you need to be in life and will be there for you during all your downfalls and high points.

5 – Stop Spending Your Entire Paycheck!
Every other Thursday, I get paid for my part-time employment. I have this bad habit of spending all, if not majority of my paycheck in under 2 days. Whether it be online shopping, at the mall or even on food. Don’t feel like you have to spend and blow off all your money just because you have it. Learn to set aside AT LEAST $20 from each pay; you won’t believe how much you’ll save up and you never know what these funds will be useful for in the future.

6 –  Take Risks                                                                                                                                                     Life is all about taking risks and experiencing new things. If you never try stepping out of your comfort zone, you’ll miss out on so many things that are out there. Play a new sport, learn a new instrument, meet new people, go out to places you’ve never been to before or even order something else from the menu instead of the usual. Don’t be afraid and don’t hold yourself back from trying something new! 

7 – Be Thankful for Your Parents                                                                                                               You may have disagreements at times that’ll make you frustrated and annoyed. They may get mad at you or find ways to correct things that don’t quite make sense from your perspective. Regardless, your parents are why you are exist. They sacrifice so much to give you everything you need and more. They love you beyond what you can imagine. At the end of the day, they only want what’s best for you. So, appreciate them, be thankful and help them out a little.

8 – People Will Come and Leave                                                                                                       Not everyone in your life is meant to stay forever. You could be 100% convinced and certain that they’ll stick around but not everyone will. When they leave you’ll be sad, confused, disappointed maybe a bit lost? Especially if you grew an attachment on them. But don’t get hung up for too long. Even if they weren’t meant to stay, they were meant to come into your life to give you something. Whether it be to teach you a lesson or maybe help you during a time when you were in need. There’s a reason behind everything.

9 – Speak Your Mind & Don’t Doubt Your Capabilities                                                               I struggled a lot with this growing up. I was always afraid to speak up about how I felt towards certain things and people. I was a closed door and bottled up all my feelings and thoughts inside. At one point, I even hated everything about myself.. I tried so hard to change myself. This is how my anxiety developed. Even if it may seem like its you against the world, speak up. Stand up for yourself. Don’t hold back on what you want to say, what you want to do. Do everything you can for the betterment of yourself. Don’t doubt yourself or hate yourself. You’re capable to do anything you heart and mind is set upon. You’re perfect just the way you are and you’re not alone.

10 – Be Proud, Be Humble 
There’s so many things in your life to be proud about. Look back at your personal growth- it’s vivid how much you’ve accomplished and learned. You aren’t the same person you were a year ago nor will you be the same person a year from now. Be proud of who you are and what you’ve done. Although, don’t forget to remain humble – you have so much more learning to do.

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To Act or Wait?

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As the saying goes- “if it is meant to be, it will be.” Although on the other hand, there’s another saying- “if you really want it, go get it.

When you’re destined to something, it will happen. Eventually, right? You can go down many paths in life, go through various obstacles and experiences but you’ll always get set-back to where you’re supposed to be. Everyone has certain things in life that they are bound to achieve and obtain. We all have certain people that are meant to come into our lives, whether they end up staying or leaving.  There is a reason behind everything. For whatever reasons these may be, it’s because it’s meant to happen in your life. It’s part of the plan.

But just because things will automatically fall into place, and will eventually happen if it’s meant to be, does that mean we just wait? Do we just wait around and do nothing? Shouldn’t we work towards things we want? Put effort into the people we want to stay in our lives? How will these things that are “meant to be” happen if we don’t act on them?

The outcome of our future depends on how we live our lives today. Getting a good education won’t just fall into place if we don’t study hard. Success in your career and job won’t just happen if you don’t work hard. Having healthy relationships with loved ones in your life won’t be established nor will they stay strong unless you fight for them every single day.

So, are things really meant to be? Or do things in our lives happen because we CHOOSE to act towards them?

When you really want or maybe reached the point where you need something, do you wait? or do you act?

In Denial.

In psychology class, we learned about Sigmund Freud’s theory on humans and the many defence mechanisms which underlie our subconscious. These defence mechanisms act as a wall or filter to help ease against feelings that don’t want to be felt. Feelings like anxiety, sadness and loneliness. Humans typically strive to avoid feeling these ways at all costs and without even knowing it, their defence mechanisms come into play.

One of the most common defence mechanisms we learned was DENIAL. We humans, deny without even knowing it sometimes. We’ve been doing this ever since we were kids. We deny, because we refuse to accept reality or refuse to face painful thoughts and feelings.
We deny others when they ask if you’re okay and we respond with “yeah, of course”, when in actuality deep down we know we aren’t. We deny ourselves. We deny feeling hurt by telling ourselves that what we’re going through is “whatever” or “no big deal.” We try denying the fact that everything is falling apart by distracting ourselves or by distancing ourselves.

We sometimes even deny love. You love someone deep down, but you deny it because you know it’s best if you don’t. You lie to yourself. You convince yourself that you’ll just get over it. But why? Love isn’t a painful feeling, so why do we deny love? We’re afraid. Afraid of falling in love? Afraid of being stuck in love? Afraid of rejection? Afraid of becoming attached? Maybe even afraid of having to deal with the responsibilities and consequences that come with loving a person.

What people don’t realize as they unconsciously deny, is that denial just hurts themselves even more. Denial makes it harder. It tears us down day by day. We store and hide these feelings for it to painfully break us down when our last button is pushed, or when we can’t bottle anymore emotions and thoughts inside.  We burst. Instead of embracing these feelings and learning to grow and overcome it – we deny.

 

You Have No Control.

image.jpeg                 Have you ever been so attached to a person? Whether it be a best friend, a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Whomever it was, you were attached. You did everything together. You told each other everything. You relied on them, as they did on you. You trusted them with your thoughts, feelings, secrets- with your heart. You grew a relationship, a close bond. Whenever something exciting happened or whenever something was bothering you, they’d be the first person you call. The first person you think of. They were a source of happiness. They were your shoulder to cry on. Your “go-to.” Your person. They were everything to you. Worth every bit of time and effort to hold on to. You viewed them so highly, with so much potential. You admired them. You loved them.

But then everything changed. You had no control.

What you thought was worth holding onto or what you thought you had a grasp on – slowly slipping away. Day by day, you feel them fading from you. Distancing from you. They leave with no explanation. You have no control. You try to put the pieces together, figure out what went wrong, but you’re still puzzled. It just happened. You start wondering if maybe you just weren’t enough for them. Maybe they wanted more, expected more. Maybe they found someone else.. someone better? You start beating yourself up. You cry for weeks. You don’t eat for days. You barely sleep. You overthink. You hate everything about yourself. You end up losing yourself in the process of losing them.

What can you do? You have no control.